The Absence of Black Fathers in The Home

I cannot judge a man by his actions if his motives are unknown. There are certainly plenty of men regardless of their race that have been absent parents. However, it seems that in the black family, the men are more prone to not be apart of their children's lives. As a black child, I never had a relationship with my father. For whatever reason he chose not to be in my life is his to deal with. I more than anything would have liked to know why he was not a part of my life more than I wanted him to be in my life. I could not say I would have blamed him for his absence or been so hostile towards him had I understood his reasoning for not being around.

There are countless studies and tests that claim that children need a father figure, especially boys if they are to be productive adults. I do not believe that is true. I don't believe that having a father in your life will make you a better father to your children. My grandfather was fully supportive of my father and is fully supportive of me, but my own father never had anything to do with me. When I have children of my own I know I will never leave or abandon them. Even if the relationship between their mother and I falls apart my children will always be in my life. In a way, not having a father in my life will make me a better father because now I know all the things I'm not supposed to do as a parent. I was fortunate though because I had a very healthy support system in my family with both men and women. There are some children who aren't as fortunate and compliant with their mothers and need a firm strong male role model to keep them from doing the wreckless things that boys do. So I believe that it is very valuable to have a father in the child's life, not necessarily in the home, but as long as the child knows they have a mother and a father that they can turn to, then they shouldn't be too bad off.

All in all I believe that fathers need to step up and take responsibility for what they brought into this world. Children don't ask to be here and they certainly can't choose their parents so it is up to the parent to say, "I know this is not how I planned for my life to unfold, but I need to take charge and make sure my child is taken care of". I think that the next generation of men who were victims of absent fathers will try to end this trend of single parent families and be part of their child's lives. At least I know one black man who will not become a statistic.